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Holiday Hijinks

Holiday Hijinks published on 1 Comment on Holiday Hijinks

Incident #1
Dad began unloading some groceries he had purchased from the local produce store before heading over to the airport to pick me up.  I had already taken off my coat, shoes and socks, and had positioned myself just inside the side door so he could hand the bags over to me from the back of the van.

“Don’t stand in the house!” he insisted.  “Come down here and help me!”
“But I’m in my bare feet!”  There was also snow and ice on the driveway.
“I don’t care!  Get down here!”
So I did, hopping and shivering, and grabbed the bags he was handing to me.
Then he started to laugh.  “I can’t believe you actually did it!”
“You told me to!”
“Do you do everything you’re told?”
“No, but I’m respecting my elders.  You took advantage!”

Incident #2
After I had finished wrapping about thirty gifts on the floor of the living room, Dad asked me to hand him the roll that still had paper attached.  I did, then grabbed the empty paper spool of another roll I had used up and began tapping him over the head with it, beginning a spontaneous medieval-type smack-down.  We chased one another around the living room until my spool was nothing but a floppy strip of cardboard, and we were both out of breath.  Mom rolled her eyes.

Incident #3
As I was exiting the bathroom, I turned off the light switch and stepped out into the dark hallway.  My dad jumped out at me from the right and shouted, “Boo!”  I screamed and smacked him on the arm.  He started laughing so hard, he had to lean against the wall so he didn’t fall down.

“Serves you right,” I said.  “If you fall, I’m not even going to help you up.  I’m calling 911, and when they arrive, I’m going to tell them what you did.”

Incident #4
My brother-in-law headed out to the car with my niece and nephew to drive to Target to do some post-Christmas shopping.  Before they left, he had to de-ice the windows of the car, and my niece shoveled the snow along the walkway leading from the front porch to the sidewalk.  I stepped out onto the front porch wearing nothing but my pajama pants, a t-shirt and bare feet, then danced around on the front porch with my hands tucked under my armpits for warmth.

“Hey, Suzanna!  Run across the lawn in the snow in your bare feet and back up the sidewalk and I’ll give you twenty dollars!” my brother-in-law challenged.
“Are you nuts?” I shouted.  “It’s cold out here!”
“Come on!  I’ll give you twenty bucks!”

I was pretty cold, already, and I knew running in the snow in my bare feet wasn’t going to help.  But then my niece and nephew were egging me on, and I couldn’t back down.  I had to do it!  I hopped down off the porch and jumped into the four-inch-deep snow in my bare feet.  It was soft and fluffy, but really, really cold.  By the time I’d jumped back onto the porch, I could barely feel my feet, and there was a fine layer of ice around the bottom of my pajama pants.

Easiest twenty bucks I earned!

Incident #5
My niece and I were playing an intense game of Scrabble on my iPad Mini.  I was trying to figure out how many points I could squeeze out of a bunch of rogue consonants without any vowels when suddenly the white volume bar appeared in the middle of the screen.  The volume, which had been on silent, began going up.  I pressed the button on the side of the iPad to turn it down, waited for the volume bar to disappear and returned to my tray of letters.

Suddenly, the volume bar reappeared in the middle of my screen, and the volume started going back up again!  I mashed the “down volume” button again and resumed my play.  This happened several times until I finally looked over at my nephew lying on the floor two feet away from me.  He had my wireless bluetooth keyboard which was tethered to my iPad, and he was using it to mess with the volume while I played Scrabble with his sister.

And people wonder why I am the way I am.

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